Happy

    I'm so happy. I've haven't felt this happy in a long time. A year and a half, roughly. I really miss this. For once I don't have to fake my smile. Or if it's real, the feeling doesn't just fade away. My heart has been racing for a while. I feel high, pretty much. Taking pictures of myself, I noticed a real difference. I looked genuinely happy. I feel like I have something to live for now. I've finally woken up. The delusions are gone. I don't feel trapped anymore. I don't feel like I'm hurting anybody anymore. I feel like I can legit live and have something to look forward to in a few years. If I do end up moving, it's God's will. But the last thing I want you guys to do is worry. I'll be fine. And please, please, I hope you'll be okay if I move away. You two still will have each other. Don't jump to conclusions with anything. Don't assume just because I'm leaving that I'll forget you two. Everything happens for a reason, yeah? I feel so content. As if my prayers have been answered. After a year, I've realized how much I've changed. In maturity, mostly. And I know I still have a long way to go in my stupid phase, but I'm one step closer. All these conflicts around me, all these people not believing in me, all these days without anybody...I'm still happy. That's how I am. Joyful. Always have been. But now I can finally show it. And hopefully in a few years, if it be the Lord's will, I'll be living my life joyously with somebody.